Come back to me.

So, being that I have an unhealthy obsession with Miss Knightley, I obviously had to go see Atonement. And upon seeing these, among other nominations for the film(best picture, screenplay, soundtrack), I was VERY pleased:

2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
CATE BLANCHETT – ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE
JULIE CHRISTIE – AWAY FROM HER
JODIE FOSTER – THE BRAVE ONE
ANGELINA JOLIE – A MIGHTY HEART
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY – ATONEMENT

3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
GEORGE CLOONEY – MICHAEL CLAYTON
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS – THERE WILL BE BLOOD
JAMES MCAVOY – ATONEMENT
VIGGO MORTENSEN – EASTERN PROMISES
DENZEL WASHINGTON – AMERICAN GANGSTER

9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
CATE BLANCHETT – I’M NOT THERE
JULIA ROBERTS – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
SAOIRSE RONAN –ATONEMENT
AMY RYAN – GONE BABY GONE
TILDA SWINTON – MICHAEL CLAYTON



Now..when a movie is nominated for SEVEN Golden Globe Awards..it's got to be fucking good.

I seriously love every single role Keira Knightley has even taken-this one included. Her new movie, the Duchess looks really good too. I fucking love the roles she takes. She does so much with them. And I love her for it. Not to mention, I wish I looked like her. More than anything. Alright, bye.

Going to shower, then watch a Keira Knightley movie. I really should do my Pysch homework, considering i got 79 in that class. I have a problem. Procrastination is a drag.
My room is littered with clothes and books and other shit. My queen size bed has dwindled to a twin size one, with all the shit that's on it. Fuck. And here I am! Sitting here typing about it. I told myself I was going to shower an hour ago. This is why nothing gets done in my life. Because I'd rather sit and write about other things, but really, I'm sitting here writing about..exactly what I should be doing. This is useless!

I have so much I would love to write about.
I don't normally have a pen, or a keyboard when the greatest ideas come to me, though. So they form in my head. It's like, every night before I go to sleep, a book is being written. The words form in my mind. Then before I know it, there's a fucking movie playing in my head. And all these thousands of movies that have been formulated due to my over creative and analytical imagination never seem to make it, well, to the outside world.
And I often ask myself why. Then I explain to myself, irritated, well, Vanessa, you don't possibly have time. Additionally, I don't find myself capable of recreating something so complex and great after the fact. That's why I sometimes force myself to either carry a notepad or sketchbook with me at all times. Anyway! It's really a shame, because I'm proud of some of the things I've come up with. These stories, scenarios, peole, places, situaions, images, these other universes, animals, the list goes on.
My computer sucks. It's older than my dog. I'm afraid this post will never been seen by anyone.
But who's going to read it besides Ankit anyway, what the fuck.
Or maybe by some of the shitty pothead girls who dislike me so much as to read into my life. But that's a whole other subject.
It's so late and I want to write something beautiful.
I'm so tired.
And full of doritos.
If that doesn't create a desirable image in your mind I'm not sure what will.
Maybe tommorow or sometime soon I'll write about how much I love some of things that I, well, love. I could start with wolves, move on to Keira Knightley, follow her up with Rome, uh no actually, that would take too long. Not to mention I recently did my ninth re-write of my college essay on that topic and I feel as if writing about it now wouldn't do it justice.
I Love my bed. I can't wait to go in it. I'm not sure why I capitalized love. Maybe all that poetry analyisis has had an affect on me. Maybe I'm turning into Sylvia Path. I really hope not.
Bye!

Since I last posted all I've been doing is drawing. Well, with the exception of working. Working at a toy store is out of control. A woman came in looking to return some Webkins and, well, you really can't do that due to the secret code on the tag they come with. ANYWAY, she threw a fit when we told her she couldn't. She decided to stand outside the store for an hour and try to scare away customers. Okay.
But drawing makes me excited. There's a reason I didn't get good grades in too many of my art classes the last few years and there's also a reason why I didn't take AP Art this year. I never handed the homeworks in on time and on certain projects I didn't put as much effort in as I should of. That's okay though, it's okay considering I'm starting to love art again yet I lack materials I really would like to use..charcoal pencils, pastels and colored pencils in addition to many other things. But I was sitting on DeviantArt.com for hours and ... it made me feel like a shitty artist, in comparison to the peices on there. But then I considered the thousands of peices that were worse than mine and it made me feel a little more confident. But if i'm drawing something I love (most of what I've been drawing consists of wolves and Keira Knightley) which makes me more motivated.
I got into a huge fight with my parents, mostly my stepdad about driving. It was frivilous and idiotic but for another week the only places I'm allowed to drive to include school and work. Ugh! I'm so frustrated, work was terrible today, but the specifics I'll spare whomever is reading. Bye.

You know what's so painfully irritating to me?
When people, more specifically kids in my grade, complain about the amazing grades they recieve. We got out class ranks today, and I was suprised and happy with mine, it being 98/234 considering I get terrible grades for the most part. But I was sitting in AP English and all these kids were complaining about their ranks, none of them being over 50! And I was, well, suprised, but mostly angry. It's just like when in class someone gets a 95 and complains and talks of how terribly they did when you're sitting down, staring at your 84, thinking you did well. Now sometimes I'm able to brush this off, but latley it's out of control. I realize everyone is different and has seperate expectations for themselves and their grades, and I UNDERSTAND that some people's parents won't except anything lower than a 90 or something.
But you're all making me feel like shit!
I feel so inferior to some of these people! Because of just the way they say it. There are the kids who get very good grades and don't say anything or complain and that's what I wish all of them would do.
"Oh my god, I got a 590 on my math section of the SAT, I did SO bad! I'm not getting into college!!"
That makes me want to fucking hit you. You have no idea how angry and hopeless you're making me feel! Numerous tutors, hundreds of dollars spent on SAT classes, dozens of practice tests...and what do I get on the math SAT section? a 4 fucking 30. Alright math is my weak point, and when someone around me says "I did SO bad!" And then I tell them my score and thank them for making me feel like shit, they never know what to say. Yeah, that's right, I hope you feel like an idiotic moron for complaining. You may be good at math and recieve a score you don't think is good enough, but don't complain about it because there's people like me who can't break 500 and would KILL to have your grade.
Ugh! It really makes my blood boil.
Going to draw Keira Knightley now, because she's the most beautiful woman on the planet and I haven't sat down and actually tried to draw anything important in a while. Bye.

I've been using a livejournal as a way to express my thoughts and experiences since seventh grade. But it was always a casual thing, I rarely would insightfully post an entry using formal language and punctuation, well, because why should I? But I've always written down thoughts and ideas in such a manner in notebooks, papers and pads all over my house and I figured the computer would be a good place to compose these thoughts so maybe, maybe! someone could read them if they felt like it.

So..hello blog.