Building a house with a bulldozer- thoughts on Vietnam

When a superpower, one as big as the United States, has been bombing a tiny country for years in hopes of winning a war that never had any structured goals or end in sight- when thousands of men a week are dying (to put it in perspective, In Iraq in eight years we have not lost the same amount as we did in weeks in Vietnam) when the American people turn on their president, on a war, when million man marches and unmitigated chaos erupt at home as a result of the escalating devastation abroad-when, WHEN, does our leadership step in and say, “Sorry guys, we fucked up!”

The answer is: They don’t. In our country, the president has the power to say no.

But Lyndon B. Johnson felt he couldn’t say no. Why in god’s name would he want to be the first president to lose a major war?

What the Vietnam War did was create a credibility gap between the American public and the government. Americans never had any reason to believe, before Johnson, that our president could be lying to us. Essentially, Johnson, his advisers, the FBI and other government programs (without the help of Congress thank you very much) conducted a war in secret- one that had started with Truman, escalated with Eisenhower, and blossomed with Kennedy- a war that, I’m paraphrasing here, “could not be lost by a great superpower to people running around in slippers.”

During the Cuban Missile Crisis, secret back room meetings conducted by Kennedy and his advisers turned out ok. A handful of white, privileged, educated men made decisions in secret that would affect the lives of thousands of people…and it didn’t end in disaster. Yet virtually these same men would do the same things in Vietnam- but what they couldn’t understand for the life of them and for all the education they had- Vietnam was different. To win, it was crucial to win the hearts and minds of the people. Land was irrelevant-something that had been insturmental in winning the two great wars- was not an issue. Guerrilla warfare was not something that could be fought with bombs and bombs and..well..more bombs, but what did Johnson do? Bomb the shit out of Vietnam. But it didn’t work, for a number of reasons.

At the same time, those in charge didn’t know what else to do. The Vietnamese people were ambivalent towards the American soldiers. Growing resentment towards the people we thought we were helping grew into chaos among military ranks. With the draft swelling, by 1966 every man sent into South Vietnam knew they were going into a war that could not be won. Their only hope was to serve the 365 days and get the fuck out of there alive.

What’s most fascinating about this whole thing is the role the media and the press began to play. The Pentagon Papers release years later illustrated the immense scale of secrecy and lying the administration went through in order to maintain some kind of belief in a consistent policy- that although the amount troops increased by thousands each month, our policy in Vietnam had not changed. ‘Search and Destroy’ missions were in vain- and the destruction of Vietnam’s ecology was a result. It was as if we were trying to build a house with a bulldozer. And Johnson knew if the public knew what the hell was going on- that we wouldn’t support it. He was totally right.

By the end of 1967, we were being told by our government that we were winning the war. But anyone with a pair of eyes could see otherwise- images broadcasted on television gave way to the anti-war movement that would change the direction of our country and create an entirely new atmosphere. Interestingly enough, every image we see of what’s happening in Iraq on TV or in any publication had to be approved by the Pentagon first. That didn’t happen during the Vietnam War. Nope. People would see coffins coming in by the hundreds each day in the comfort of their own homes- they’d see Buddhist monks lighting themselves on fire in opposition of the occupation of their home country- they’d see the riots around the United States, at colleges, in Washington, in NYC and LA- where students, women, young people get beaten with wooden bats by the ‘hardhats’- the opposition to the doves, the conservatives, the hawks- although I think, and I hope, they were the minority and that the anti-war sentiment at this time was much larger than those who felt nuclear power was the key to winning the war. So why the fuck would we believe the government when it was so painfully clear they were lying?

All of this would lead to Johnson’s destruction, and would create the atmosphere of what was to come in ‘68- the election, the assasinations of RFK and MLK, and the best part..is that the war lasted in 1975. Mind blowing.

I just wanted to write about what I’ve been learning in my foreign policy class for the past two weeks. I thank Peter Schwab from the bottom of my little heart for being the best professor I could ever ask for, for giving us the best reading materials to comprehend the extent and abuses of executive power since Truman and up to Bush. What I’ve learned in this class has truly blown my mind and I never had such an intelligent teacher- and I can say the two classes I’ve taken with him since I’ve been at this school I’ve learned the most (the other being about Cuba and the United States…that’s a whole ‘nother fucking dimension right there) and I continue to be amazed, excited, nervous (he is also the most intimidating man I’ve ever encountered but I am gradually getting over this) every Tuesday and Friday. I don’t really suspect anyone will read any of this but that’s fine by me. I am going to go make pizza bagels.

James Cameron's full Avatar script

http://www.foxscreenings.com/media/pdf/JamesCameronAVATAR.pdf

It's worth a read, for sure. Lots of scenes I would've loved to see in the theatre that I'll have to catch on the DVD.

So..the Phantom Menace doesn't completely suck

So here's a really well written analysis of George Lucas's The Phantom Menace,

and it addresses some very interesting issues about the film. I'd like to post the first few paragraphs in case any one who might happen to enjoy Star Wars is reading-

1999 stands as an important year in film, if for no other reason than for the historic return of three of American cinema’s biggest icons to their respective director’s chairs. It was the year that Terrence Malick came back from his decades-long sojourn into the wilderness of French academia after his celebrated couplet of 70’s filmmaking—Badlands and Days of Heaven—to finally offer a third effort with the World War II drama The Thin Red Line. It was the year that Eyes Wide Shut opened in theaters, a movie which proved to be not only Stanley Kubrick's return to filmmaking after twelve long years, but his swan song, as well. Finally, it was the year that George Lucas returned to hands-on directing with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, a movie which enjoyed far more popular success than either director’s combined filmography, but still remains unaccepted by followers of cinema at large.

Unlike Kubrick and Malick, Lucas remained an active filmmaker in the twenty-two years following the original Star Wars, since retitled A New Hope. While nominally delegating on-set duties to men like Irvin Kershner and Richard Marquand, seasoned veterans with steadier hands in the delicate art of actor-wrangling, Lucas’ eagle-eye vision for panoramic tableaux, crisply cut montage and dynamic compositions remained intact. In The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, Lucas proved himself a modern-day Alexander Korda, the kind of man who involves himself so heavily in his productions that he holds a legitimate claim to be called auteur over his directors. Like a somewhat less maverick, somewhat more sane version of Howard Hughes, he successfully orchestrated his movies as a backstage mastermind, calling the shots through storyboards and occasional set-visits, even manning the cameras himself for scenes he deemed too important to let fall into the wrong hands. Every frame of both films is so deeply ingrained with Lucas’ visual stamp, it hardly seems to matter how much time he spent in the office while strangers minded the making of his movies—he could be every bit the director over the phone without ever phoning it in.

Therefore, when the time came for The Phantom Menace to begin shooting, it struck many as surprising that Lucas would decide to direct another film by himself, especially after having repeatedly sworn that he’d never do it again, following the nightmare that A New Hope’s production became in the face of an indifferent British crew. Thanks to the rapid advancements of 90’s CGI technology, however, Lucas felt confident that his attention could successfully remain engaged on-set for the duration of shooting, free from the obligations of tending to the minutia of his army of special-effects artists which kept him so preoccupied in the past. Like Kubrick and Malick, his work was criticized, accused of having lost some of its touch in the time he’d spent away from directing. Yet while Eyes Wide Shut and The Thin Red Line have gained appreciative followings over the years, The Phantom Menace has yet to find a home outside of mainstream popularity and the cult of fans the previous Star Wars movies built, of whom a vocal many were about as happy with the film as most serious-minded critics were.

Those who write off Episode I, however, do so at the risk of overlooking a vibrant, if occasionally shaky enterprise in strong, assertive movie storytelling. Throughout the picture, and the rest of the Prequel Trilogy, Lucas displays the same sharp filmmaking instincts that for better or worse shaped the cinematic zeitgeist for the better part of the last 25 years of the 20th century. Crafted with an expressive sequence of visionary set-pieces and cliffhanger driven storylines, The Phantom Menace succeeded in capturing both the imaginations and attention-spans of audiences worldwide, despite the loads of aesthetic baggage that its detractors remain unable to overcome. While the film’s critics have rightly pointed out a number of drawbacks it suffers from, it’s important to note that many if not most of these faults arrive not due to any lack of talent on its director’s part, but rather from the fact that with the Prequels, Lucas attempts to tell a set of stories significantly different from those of the Original Trilogy.



Very interesting read for a Star Wars fan. Also, I must add that 'Duel of the Fates', or the theme for Darth Maul composed by John Williams is one of the most brilliant pieces of music used in any film, ever.

Brainwashed.

Strangers in your dreams...

Our dreams are frequently full of strangers who play out certain parts…did you know that your mind is not inventing those faces - they are real faces of real people that you have seen during your life but may not know or remember?

The evil killer in your latest dream may be the guy who pumped petrol in to your Dad’s car when you were just a little kid. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces through our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.

I've got this book, it's called Understanding Your Dreams and I found it on the side of the road in seventh grade. It's been by my side for years. But according to some columnist dream expert dude, it would be better to just throw the book away....

Interested in interpreting your own dreams? Try this method and see if it works for you!

First, throw away that dream dictionary. Forget all that water-means-change, ladders-mean-career-opportunities stuff. Others may disagree, but I've found that most experts believe dream symbols have no objective meanings. You made them up, and only you can unlock them. (ouch, for me and my old beaten up book.)

Second, record your dreams. If you can't remember them, start recording them anyway. Jot down even the faintest flicker of an image or an idea. The more you record, the more you'll remember. It may sound simple, but it works. (this actually works really well. even keeping your eyes closed for those few moments after you wake up helps. if repeatedly think about your dreams then they stick with you all day, from my experience)

(Tips: Don't use an alarm clock to wake up. Come to wakefulness naturally. Train yourself to lie still as you're coming up; let your dreams float up with you. Fix on any image you can remember. Hold onto it. Whisper it out loud to make it gel. Then write it down at once. Dream images are often connected like beads. Record one and you'll probably remember another, and another, and another.)

Third, take your dream apart. According to the late Christopher Evans, a British psychologist and computer scientist, nothing in a dream is purely invented. Each dream is stitched together out of bits and pieces from your real life. If you think there are people in your dreams that you've never seen before, think again. They might be composites. The face might come from a fleeting glimpse of someone you saw in a crowd. The clothes might come from an ad on TV. The voice may be that of a former teacher. Tie each image to its source and the whole dream will often deconstruct. Suddenly, with face, outfit, and voice lifted away, the stranger in your dream may stand revealed as--your neighbor! Or your best friend, or your boss, or your cat.

Fourth, make sure you're not still dreaming. This issue came up in a dream class I took. Some of the students said that since dreams seem real to the dreamer, there is no way to tell if you're in one. I joked that you could check your bed and see if you were still asleep. Later that day--and it was a normal day--I began to obsess over this concept that I might be dreaming. So, I confess. I tried out my own advice: I went to my room to see if I was asleep.

And I was.

thxxx dude

I've also started this secret mission thing. It's not too much of a secret because it requires some manual labor, and well, I'm kinda weak and scrawny. I've been out these past few days getting really dirty and loving every second. It involves wood and a secluded area...and hopefully some warpaint..

Grilled cheese, mise-en-scene, & c-span..

I really get quite angry with myself for not writing in here...

I have so much on my mind that I think my brain sort of shuts down in response. And as a result, very little of my creative juices flow freely.

A week before I returned to school for my sophomore year, I met my biological father. His absence in my life growing up served as fruit for thought, angst, and lot of my writing.

Well...he's 65, lives in a shack as a semi-retired plumber, and doesn't have a penny to his name. Now that I'm in the picture, he's been working more, and he told me he hasn't bet on a horse since last Thursday. Oh, how special. But the simple fact that I'm in his life makes him so happy. He's got this stupid grin on his face when I'm with him, and I kind of love it. It's really overwhelming for me, to hear about these brothers and sisters , aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces I've got. So much catching up to do.

...Anyway. I'm a very confused little girl. For the most part, well, I mean, for every part of me concerned, I love college living, I appreciate beyond belief not just living with these girls but also the fact that they are my best friends doesn't hurt. I love having this kitchen, and cooking up crazy things I never dreamed of at home. I love the classes I'm taking this semester, but I am positively terrified about my future. I suppose most college kids are, but I look around and even if it's not TRUE, I still feel like everyone else has more going for them than I do.

My emotions, ambitions, talents(or, whatever..) are so hopelessly jumbled and only half alive. I don't know how to handle it. I'm desperately hoping that this season, with it's dying leaves and chilly weather can inspire me somehow. Or just fucking knock some sense into me.

Alright, I love watching films. I love reading about them, writing about them, and talking about them. One of my classes is a film class, and, well, I'm glad I'm finally taking one. It's enchanting. My school has this particular major, right, and it's called Cinema Studies, except it's total crap. I mean I'm sure there's some very intelligent people involved. But where will I go with a degree in Cinema Studies? Who am I kidding, where the fuck am I going to go with a degree in Political Science from SUNY Purchase? Uh, I'm just kind of down on myself. I'm so scared. I'm scared that at nineteen, that it's too late for me. Too late to get into the real good stuff- the technicalities of filmmaking, to get behind a camera, to learn how to edit film, and so on..So I'm not sure where that leaves me. I'm not really sure of anything. I love politics, it doesn't bore me at all, but the prospect of that scares me as well. I don't believe I'm cut out for it. But then again, I don't know what I might be cut out for. I graduated high school firmly believing I was going to be a White House Correspondent for CNN. I mean, yeah, okay.

I just don't have anyone to really turn to with these questions about my future. No one has the answers, though. One of the only things I do know is that I'm halfway decent at writing. I want to do so many things, but I'm terribly lazy, and I really don't THINK I can do anything. I just need someone to talk to. So thanks for listening, lil' blog.

gona finish this blurb with a picture of my favorite lady, looking cute and flawless in The Duchess- by the way, the biography of the actual woman who Keira played in the film, Georgianna Cavendish, is spectacular, one of my favorite reads to date. She was really one of the most influential women in politics& fashion in all of Europe in the 1700's.

Tim Burton's 'Alice in Wonderland'

Once again, I come to you, blog, with a heavy heart and some regret because I do my mind's incoherent yet vibrant ramblings no justice here, while I really should more often.

But I came to write about Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. You can watch the trailer here.

Michael Kutsche is an artist and designer who had designed some characters for the beloved children's tale. His creations , though, have gone a bit farther than his Deviant Art page...



His concepts are being used to develop the characters in Burton's film, and Kutsche has been working directly with the director and on the set.




I'm so damn excited for this, and I'm not exactly a huge fan of Tim Burton, whose movies I find somewhat bleak. Sometimes I would like to pretend his Batman movies don't exist, but, whatever. Personally I love that he works with Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp all the time , even if I don't always love watching the movies ( Sweeny Todd, Corpse Bride) and I'm hoping that this movie will do really well financially and recieve some critical acclaim. Not trying to get my hopes up too high, but the promotional pictures and teaser trailer are getting me all excited!

Keira for Coco Mademoiselle

Dominique Issermann is a great photographer. It seems as if every ad she does for Chanel is able to tell some kind of story about the woman on the other side of then lens. Beautifully lit and executed. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Keira Knightley has killer bone structure and is classically beautiful. She seems to embody Chanel to me. The ad is for the CoCo Mademoiselle fragrance, which is going for about $125 in the states. If only I had a job.

Why do bad movies succeed, i.e, TRANSFORMERS?

I have not seen the second Transformers film, REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. But I've read a ton of reviews, and spoken with people who have seen it-most of them love it to bits, hail it as epic, awesome, the works. But what I don't get is how a movie (much like the first one) with awful acting, sloppy directing, embarrassing dialouge , no character development and a convoluted plot can be so wildly popular. It puzzles me to no end, it frustrates me even though I should just accept that people will like what they like. But is it that awful of me to think a little less of someone when they tell me they thought this was the best movie ever?? I mean, come on. Bay seems to be critic-proof in the sense that , well, no amount of horrendous reviews will stop people from seeing it. But at least many recognize it only as a popcorn film with no substance, Megan Fox's glistening slowmo body, and explosions. But why are we entertained by this? Last summer's Dark Knight managed to give us a good story, great action scenes while managing to tug at our heart strings...these kind of movies are just explosions and robots, really there is not much more to them. Which is fun, once and a while, don't get me wrong..but is it that awful to ask for a little bit more? Just a little?

Here's one review I liked, among many, written by Robert Dougherty on the Associated Content site.


Transformers 2 reviews are useless because no Transformers 2 review will stop people from seeing Revenge of the Fallen. A Transformers 2 review truly means nothing, for if Transformers 2 reviews could stop big

box office, Michael Bay would be out of work. Michael Bay lives on his movies being critic-proof, and Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen reviews are no exception. But that hasn't stopped critics from decrying in their Transformers 2 review that Bay may have gone to the bottom of the barrel again.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is pretty much a remake of the first movie, for all intents. Shia LaBeouf's Sam and Megan Fox's Mikaela are on the run from evil Transformers for two and a half hours. The good Transformers, led by Optimus Prime, are again out to defend them and all humans from Megatron, and his new master, The Fallen.

The Transformers reviews for the first movie weren't that great, but they were about down the middle. That is extremely rare for a Michael Bay film, as he hadn't come close to getting half-positive reviews for his movies since The Rock in 1996. Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II and The Island had helped make Bay the anti-Christ for critics.

The first Transformers let Bay off the hook a bit - especially since he introduced Megan Fox to the world. But Transformers 2 reviews are back to slamming Bay as the devil.

The expected complaints in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen reviews are that it is empty, hollow, an assault on the senseless, and brainless. That's no surprise - but many a review also calls Transformers 2 even more brainless than usual, and even downright racism with a couple of ethic stereotype robots.

Pretty much no review has anything to praise Transformers 2 for except the technology and robot battles. Since they are even bigger than ever, and will be viewed on IMAX, that's more than enough for Revenge of the Fallen.

The hope in Hollywood is that Transformers will be the biggest opening of the summer, with an opening of over $100 million expected. Previous big summer hits like Star Trek, Up, and The Hangover also had very good reviews, but Transformers 2 will outdo them all without them.

Whereas reviews were at a fair 57% for the original on Rotten Tomatoes, the Transformers 2 reviews are at a piddling 21% on Rotten Tomatoes so far, with a rating of 4 out of 10. The Rotten Tomatoes consensus reads that "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a noisy, underplotted, and overlong special-effects extravaganza that lacks a human touch."

But if Michael Bay really needed to provide that to survive, he would have been out of the business a decade ago. So a Transformers 2 review gets doomed to relative obscurity while the millions get made this weekend.





Additionally, every review I've read also mentions how god awful Megan Fox's acting was...and I'm glad. I wanted to give the girl a chance, but it was too hard. She's just a vapid headed girl who is getting by on nothing but her looks and sex appeal (although she claimed in interviews that she doesn't like being called sexy, and resents it. okay, world's sexiest woman 2 years in a row! don't promote yourself as a sex symbol then! don't go to maxim when you've got nothing else to prove except how mind blowingly hot and perfect you are!) and who has virtually no talent.But, she's hot in Transformers, so America loves her. I just am so confused and frustrated with the state of cinema sometimes.

Anton Yelchin, my new favorite human..

Allow me to draw you in with a beautiful face plagued with the fate of humanity. Simply put, Christian Bale's epic level of hotness. I just can't. I can't take it anymore.

Since I have this awful inability to actually sit down and articulate what I think in a coherent way, I always am angry with myself. But this subject is one I really would like to blog about. I mean there's tons of things I'd love to blog about, actually. How coca cola slurpees make me feel, my mouse that is currently actually a zombie, the sun and it's majestic god like powers, Jane Austen's motifs, but let me get on topic here.

Star Trek and Terminator 4, two of the season's biggest movies, will be brought up in this post because of a charming little man named Anton Yelchin.

The Czech actor is only one year older than myself, which would make him twenty. That's another thing I could blog about, math! And in one month and in two films the young actor has played a significant part (well, not just him of course!)in revitalizing two separate franchises. We all know how well J.J Abram's Star Trek did, a washed up space ship exploit turned stand-alone action flick. I knew Abrams wouldn't let me down, not with my fervent love of Lost and time travel, which also plays a part in the film. I don't think the reviews on Terminator are so consolidated yet, it's opening this weekend wasn't mind-blowing, but personally I thought it was a great film. Some critics are saying the film lacks character development, which may have some truth in it. The action scenes really did have me on the edge of my seat, covering my mouth and gasping when a ridiculously gigantic robot would appear, etc etc. Interesting that Star Trek's cast did not suffer from any lack of character development, both Chis Pine and Zachary Quinto (by the way, their bromance is adorable) were able to establish their characters in distinct ways and introduce them to a fresh, younger audience. I mean, if it weren't for this reboot, I doubt Spock would be receiving the same level of girlish attention and battered eyelashes. He looks fierce, and attractive in some freakish way I will admit. But how anyone can pull off that haircut and have girls drooling over you is over my head.
Anyway, Sam Worthington was compelling as a half man half machine, confused, yet indestructible. I thought Bale gave a solid performance as Connor, minus the Bruce Wayne voice in some parts. I don't think Bale has actually ever been in a bad film, or has ever done a less than awesome job at what he does. The whole time I was watching, I was really trying to figure out in which scene the infamous freak-out occured. And watching the film, in some really emotional scenes in which this guy is supposed to find his then-teenage father (played by Anton) and send him back in time to secure the fate of humans while trying to fight off some pretty scary machine cyborgs (another thing was the rating, I'm pretty sure WB is getting slammed for slapping this with a PG13 when it totally deserved an R) I can imagine how vunerable an actor is at times like that, and I can sort of understand why he went so insane.


Back to Anton! I loved the screen time with him and Bale, although there wasn't much. His scenes with Worthington were great as well. I just find him to be so charming, I can't really get over it! In T4, he played Kyle Reese. He had some huge shoes to fill, I think, but he nailed it. Reese is a beloved character to those who grew up with the Terminator movies and he nailed some of his mannerisms and just did a good job in general.

I could type for hours on the topic of Star Trek, never a fan of the series, but I would love to call myself a Trekkie because of this newfound love of it due to the movie. Anton's role as Chekov was absolutely spot on, (minus the physical appearance) his Russian accent was superb, he is , generally, just an actor who really really makes me happy. One of the best in his age group, for sure.
He's young and really, his career is taking off.

And I would love to sit down and have sushi with him. Please.
I'll settle for Senor Bale if it doesn't work out, he can verbally abuse me any day of the year.

Oh and for the record, I like McG's style of directing a lot more than Michael Bay's. Although he's got nothing but some Sugar Ray videos and Charlie's Angels under his belt, I think he did considerably well. Both of these men had movies which featured action, explosions, and beautiful women, but Transformers is just an awful potluck smashup of those things in the worst way possible. I just Hate, with a capital h, Michael Bay and how everyone is drooling over Transformers 2 for the summer. It makes me a sad lady.

I really should get some sleep.



Bale & Yelchin in T4! Son and...father..how..cute?

My mice are under my bed.

I am not motivated or collected enough to sit down and actually post a real entry, and it KILLS ME. I sit in class or I'm out somewhere and all I'm thinking about is coherently shaping my thoughts into a decent blog post but I just never get around to it. Instead, this time, I'm going to post some poems I wrote..a villanelle, a sonnet, and a sestina. The sestina was absolutely the most challenging, it took days to write. The structure is peculiar because the same six words have to repeat in a different yet specific order each time. My words were Rome, Watch, Red, One, Life,  Death. It was a challenge. I don't normally post poetry or prose on the internet but I figured I might. Enjoy, leave feedback? Maybe?

Shakespearean Sonnet
Old Milk

Prematurely, crass calls takes me from bed
Resigned, sleepy, I curse white morning birds
Now more. Multiplying shrill cries bring dread
Pouring cold milk ,much too early for words.

Predictable gulls bear no surprises
Dawn carries them in, while noon sees them quit
Opaque flux rivals overgrown white flies
A sniff, the truth; I move from where I sit

Faded numbers on the carton reads "bad".
Dumping old liquid, a seabreeze comes in
I look listlessly; spot last night's salad
While aves through the window chase fish and fin

The sun gleams and glares, bellies of birds full
Tulip adorned sheets call; I am not far.



VILLANELLE
Comedian

A candle goes out, life is taken, somebody knows.
Out of jaws of death, queries spring
Yet demise for us breathing creatures; natural as having ten toes.

Throat tightened, blood flowed, eyes closed, breathing slowed
Old scars collected blood like craters in rain
A candle goes out, a life is taken, somebody knows.

His enemies left roses. No wife, kids at his funeral, only friends turned foes
Cigar burning, menacing grin, "It's all a joke," he knew best
that demise for us breathing creatures; natural as having ten toes.

Each hit well calculated, each bloody, crushing, blow,
Cigar smoke smouldered, heavy bones snapped, twisted
A candle goes out, a life is taken, somebody knows.

Glass breaking, people screaming, buzzers dinging, t.v game shows
Screen flickering ,body thrown, twenty stories falling. Greeting wet pavement.
Yet demise for us breathing creatures; natural as having ten toes.

Reporters ask questions, one old wax candle still glows
Entertainer terminated amongst smoke and game shows,
A candle goes out, a life is taken, somebody knows
Yet demise for us breathing creatures; as natural as having ten toes.

(this one is vaguely based on a character from the graphic novel Watchmen..)






Sestina

Founded in brick, left in marble, if only I were there to watch!
One time capital of the world. Birthing greatness, life, war, death
Art, wine, food, chariots and love, love, love
Golden helmets adorned with feathers colored red
No doubt in any man's mind that only one
Empire, towering over all in mankind's narration- it can only be Rome.

Once golden and marble; industry, ruins, graffiti now inhabit streets of Rome
Hawaiian shirt wearing tourist halts at McDonalds. Flavian Amphitheatre can wait; checks his watch
He doesn't know the Great Fire,the Senate, nor Nero's hysterics. Simply wondering: if he were a gladiator, would he have won?
No heed paid to the Punic Wars, or Carthage, yet remembers reading in high school Ceasar's death.
Big Macs, to him romantic as the small italian eateries around the city; ketchup dribbled onto his belly leaving a stain that's red
Waddling down the Roman forum, no notice to aged, chipped Venus, goddess of love

Some creatures must value this place; history begs to be idolized, loved
Blood thirsty, never ending conquests for land; none could match the civilized brutality of Rome
Men at war, leaders power hungry, uncompromising, land stained crimson red
Blood tinged winter and summer grounds, snow and sweat, only charcoaled ravens stay to watch
Metal on metal. Breathing, clashing, burning, yelling, laughing, drinking, sleeping, choking, death.
Ink stained feathered creatures pick up the battered bloody pieces at their pleasure, one by one


Farms, cities once littered with corpses rose up when a call trimphant and shrill came at once;
Fathers, sons, men to arms. Defend the ever growing empire, sacrifice freedom,old age , love
Years pass, we all live the same lives, each and every single path ending in death.
Yet try and show me another city whose beauty no living imagination can picture, there is only Rome.
A refined she-wolf, under the burden of expectation, keeps on. Smirking, stalking, watching
Laughing at the prospect of anything but greatness, bearing white fangs and a muzzle coated red.

Love of God, not of Zeus took root ; blood dripped from a crown of thorns, thick and red
New Emperor; first of many, Constantine worshipped not many but one
Every sacrifice of blood, sheep, virgins, cattle, sodden eyes watched
as daughters, companions, gold earning posessions which garnered love
were taken for Jupiter, Juno, Apollo, Diana, once guardians of Rome
now discarded for a carpenter, how bitter we now rejoice in his birth and death!

Paved streets, haunted with Roman ghosts and stories of their deaths
skin tingling, mind wandering, remembering what's been read
of gladiators, fine architecture...unhinged satisfaction in Rome.
Laughing, praising a city which raises her head under neighboring stars, anyone
can see constellations today; sky lit up, glowing in idoltry and love
My tired eyes look past conspicuous McDonalds, I take off my watch

An old ivory fountain draws me near, I like this one
with age, she remained smooth and sleek, fast food, tourists slowly fade into Roman
obscruity along with every girl who ever sat upon this same seat; Into the water, I toss my watch.

(I also had a hard time making this flow more poetically and read less like prose...but it's my fault for picking a loaded topic for a poem which structure demands simplicity. whatever.)


And just for fun:

Keira Knightley still looks better than I ever will, even with no make-up...

Keira was recently spotted at Heathrow Airport, on her way to Canada. Personally, I think she looks great with little makeup and tousled hair. I wish I could go out looking like that and not feel super gross.

It's amazing what a ton of makeup, excessive styling and photoshop can do, huh?

Regardless, I'm still madly in love with her. She's got some pretty exciting projects coming up. My Fair Lady, the remake of the classic with Audrey Hepburn brings no new real news.

The Beautiful and the Damned, in which she's set to play Zelda Fitzgerald, wife of the famous author, is set for a 2010 release. I'm interested in how she'd tackle an American southern accent...Never Let Me Go, based on a novel about young people in London at a boarding school who ultimately discover they are being used for their organs(rough outline, forgive me I've had some wine this evening.) is also set for a 2010 release. It'll be nice to see her out of a period piece to silence her critics for a short while. London Boulevard, starring alongside Colin Farrel (This duo intrigues me). This role is promising for her, or at least I think so. I read a description:

"In the script the character is called Charlotte. A beautiful woman that looks thirty-five(as a result of a drug addiction) yet is only in her mid twenties suffers from addiction, exhaustion, nervous breakdowns, and is on the brink of having a fizzling career."

It'll be interesting to see her portray a character that is typical of our own time! To get into the mindset of characters so like her peers, especially some well-known ones in Hollywood.

Her last upcoming project, Last Night, has wrapped up filing. Some kind of romantic drama, the plot revolves around a married couple separated for one night while the husband takes a business trip with a colleague who he has feelings for, while the wife encounters her past love. It sounds sort of boring to me, but with any luck it can shape up to be the same kind of screwed up love freakshow that was Closer. Of course since my girls in it, I'll give it a chance. Obviously.

Just wondering...why does America still have a John Wayne complex?

I don't write in this blog nearly as much as I'd like to, but I got out of class early so I have some time to think.

I'm taking a class on United States and Cuba relations, and I can safely say I'm more than fascinated at the way our country has treated Cuba in the past, and even now. There's been this demonization of Fidel Castro, and I fear that American history textbooks in high schools only vaguely and briefly touch on the subject of our relationship with our little neighbor just ninety miles away.

Anyway, I barely talk in the class, because I'm intimidated of this professor- he might be the smartest guy I've ever encountered, and I have this fear of appearing stupid in public. He probably thinks I'm some ditzy teenager, but in reality I can't keep my mind off this stuff. We've read a ton of books so far, the most recent being The Politics of Illusion, which deals with the Bay of Pigs and operation Mongoose. I'll get back to that book in a second.

To say the least, we royally screwed up. But it wouldn't be the first time our country has taken on this "We're big, we're mean, we can do anything we want in the sake of our own national interests!" attitude. We get this notion, particularly recently, in the Bay of Pigs, that we can just go into whatever country we please and do whatever we want- in this case, overthrow Fidel and establish a government more in the 'interests of the cuban people'.(Even if we weren't using American soldiers but instead Cuban exiles-yeah, that worked out swell.) What the hell did we know about the Cuban people's interests? Zero, we had been squashing their hopes of domestic economic development ever since the Platt Amendment. Then in Vietnam, later in Afghanistan and today in Iraq, for example. But the reason why our country has this complex, the reason why Americans in the past few years can travel anywhere and be judged around the globe, is because the American people will support almost any military expenditure we go on. Because we can do it. We're America! Guns blazing, horse riding off into the sunset, with that romantically rugged cowboy drawl. Those big foam hands at football games. Yeah, we're number one. Although there will always be liberals opposing military involvement, the American public virtually always initially supports the government when it sets out to do anything. Because WE CAN DO IT.

There was an interesting passage which addresses the 'John Wayne' complex that America has had for too long now in Politics of Illusion:

"The film critic Eric Bentley claimed in 1971 that John Wayne was the most dangerous man in America because without him, and the mythology of his movies, America's tragic involvement in Vietnam was unthinkable. We are not prepared to claim quite this much for "John Wayne" and the Bay of Pigs ((Although I, myself am.)) It is worth noting, however, that there are far closer historical connections between the themes of Wayne's most successful films of the 1940's and 1950's and issues related to Cuba, rather than to Vietnam. According to popular North American myth, the United Sates had liberated Cuba in the Spanish-American War, and had taken care of it ever since. It is also worth meditating on the finding that polls then, and now, indicate that Wayne is-not was but is- America's most popular actor. The analysis of precise connections between Wayne's films and U.S Cuban relations in the Kennedy years would seem to be fertile ground awaiting a cultural critic with knowledge of both western movies and Cuba. For us, for now, we are satisfied if "John Wayne" serves as a useful shorthand for a particular set of Cold War illusions that, due to elapsed time, availability of documents, and the courage of the Musgrove participants, can just now be seen for what they were."

After reading texts from this class I feel a bit cheated - and I wish that kids learning about U.S history could know the real history behind U.S / Cuba relations. Why is Fidel seen as a 'bad guy?' He gave Cuba, his country, back to Cubans. It might be near impossible to get a can of cola for a decent price on that island, but you can bet that you'll never see anyone go hungry or be deprived of medical treatment. Unlike New York City, the economic and social powerhouse of our country and most of the world, you won't see people sleeping on the streets in Cuba. I'm not advocating socialism here, but I'm just wondering why the United States finds this way of life so offensive. Are we, as people, or our government, as our elected officials, jealous that schooling is completely free there? Of course, free speech is severely limited - people are still allowed to speak their minds in the street and their homes- but a common Cuban defensive argument when Castro declared communism was something along the lines of, 'when it comes down to it, we'd prefer a roof over our heads, food, and medical care over free speech.'

I'm kind of straying from my original point here, but I still can't wrap my head around us not learning from our own history. The CIA was severely, disgustingly misinformed during the Bay of Pigs invasion. They had barely any intelligence at all, and that can now be said about the Iraq invasion, but only years after- it's all dandy invading and getting ourselves in, but what do you do when you get there? How do you get out? The failed invasion made a mockery of one of our own institutions that we were supposed to be able to rely on. And of course, Kennedy was still beloved by the public, because it was the 'big bad CIA's fault, and of course Kennedy knew nothing about it..' although he did, it wasn't his favorite idea on the drawing board or anything. Regardless, we seem to disregard previous failures when it comes to military invasions, or nation building, or whatever is we're trying to do across the world.

We might have used to think we were the best. Maybe we used to be imperialists. John Wayne might have been the most popular actor in the country. Unfortunately, if you ask anyone younger than I am, I'm afraid a good amount of kids wouldn't know too much about him or his movies. So, as a country, we're moving on. Can we shed this tanned, leathery, tobacco stained skin?

Sorry I forgot about you, blog!

I haven't posted anything here for almost a year. I won't bore anyone reading with personal updates, because that's what I use my livejournal for. I just feel terribly guilty about not using this, because I DO need an outlet, I DO need a place to write coherent thoughts. I guess I underestimated this whole thing in general though, considering I came back to over fifteen comments on one of my posts, and I expected barely anyone to read it besides myself. So I suppose I'll embark on a journey - one that includes me writing things that other people might-gasp- yes, read! Maybe someone will read something I have to say!

It did feel great when I was published in Newsday. I'm conflicted about my future in journalism because of the lack of opportunities and everything going viral. It's a bit discouraging to me. But one of the only things that I'm decently okay at is writing- (and playing ddr, but where will that get me?) so someone suggested that I start a serious blog. I probably should write more, because the people I come in contact with on a daily basis generally have no idea what I'm talking about when I bring up directors, actors, or anything film related. They all want to see 'Notorious' while I need to see 'The Wrestler' 'Frost/ Nixon' and 'Revolutionary Road' before Oscar season, because, well, I need to see every movie in the best picture category before making a real prediction, duh! It's hard to express how isolated I feel on this subject. I want to break into film, I want to eventually include it in my career somehow, but I'm terrified it's too late for me. I'm studying Political Science instead, which I am passionate about, don't get me wrong, but I'm increasingly becoming aware of myself, and of how I might not be cut out for law school or anything of the sort. I'm just terrified, and I want someone to talk to about this...so I've become something of a night owl, prowling the web, reading scraps of information about Hunter S. Thompsons' novel, The Rum Diary's, film adaptation (which may include Keira Knightley or Scarlett Johansen..and will certainly be including Johnny Depp) instead of reading about Condelezza Rice's latest trip to a foreign country. I'm captivated by films. By book and play adaptations, by actors performances, by set designs and budgets and appealing to certain demographics and this and that and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I FEEL LIKE none of this can get me anywhere, is it just going to have to be a hobby for me, for the rest of my life? Am I destined to sit back and let other people do all this work? This work that I want to do? When I say 'this work', I don't even know what I'm referring to! Directing, editing, acting, no no..I don't think that..I'm just so confused. Eighteen and terrified, that's what I am.




So when I mentioned something about being a film critic in casual conversation, this is what I was reminded of, this is where I was referred. And then I remembered that I already had one. I don't really know. It's not too late for me to post all my Oscar predictions or anything. But I need to see all those damn movies first. I will say that I've been to the movies more these past two months than any other person my age that I know. It's kind of fun, but kind of...not. It really does isolate me, though, when I try to start a conversation about how Kate Winslet really deserved that Golden Globe for the Reader..and the response I get would be along the lines of, 'Oh, she was in Titanic, right?'
Sigh. That's why I need the internet, so I know I'm not alone here. Good thing I'm reminded I'm not the only movie junkie out there. So...three cheers for the internet.

I found this on a facebook group. and laughed forever.



How Gay Marriage Killed the Dinosaurs...
Top ten reasons to make gay marriage illegal

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Using the word 'anorexic' without a second thought when describing someone skinny just makes you look incompetent.

Well, it's pretty obvious how much I love Keira Knightley. And all over the internet all I really see is people bashing her for being anorexic, or being hideous, or having no acting talent. Okay, if you don't find her attractive, she's not your cup of tea, fine. Okay, you don't like her acting or movies, (even though she's been nominated for dozens of high end acting awards..) that's fine too. But when people jump to call her anorexic just because she's bony and shows it off in pictures...no. That upsets me.
Does any of you even KNOW what anorexia IS?

Keira at one of her premeires:




Yes. Bony, skinny, too thin, no chest. I'm pretty positive she REALIZES THAT when she looks in the mirror. But wait. Don't just assume she starves herself to look like that, it's really not fair. Take it from someone who eats an unhealthy amount of junk food and drinks an insane amount of soda daily- and can't show for it. Some people are just naturally thin.
Not to mention, when someone is anorexic, they should have skin kind of sagging, most notably on their shoulders. Keira does not have that. She actually has a six pack on her stomach, and anyone who knows the first thing about weight gain and loss is that if you're starving yourself, the first place your body eats away at (after the fat, of course) is the muscle, which means anorexics have virtually NO muscle on their entire bodies. Her hair and skin tone are normal, which rules out an eating disorder.
Look:


See? Okay. I rest my case.



I do NOT understand how anyone can really deny her being beautiful. To me, she is the definition of the word. She's got a face to die for.

America..following in the footsteps of the Roman Empire? Or maybe just another case against Hillary..

"…words do inspire, words do help people get involved, words do help members of Congress get into power so that they can be part of a coalition to deliver health-care reform, to deliver a bold energy policy.

...Don't discount that power." Senator Barack Obama, 1/5/08

Remember 1980? ...Well I sort of wasn't there, but I'm pretty positive that's the last time we had a President who inspired the American people. That was when Ronald Reagan changed the political agenda. Changed the way people really thought about politics. Before that it was JFK in the sixties. But the greatest example to date of that kind of power was manifested by FDR. Remember that famous line?
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Bill Clinton might have been able to use the power of words, but he never did, he did not change the conversation, the political agenda; he left the way right conservative "consensus" (the one established by Reagan) exactly the way it was, and didn't really attempt to change it. That might have been one of his failures, although there weren't many to even mention.

The argument on Saturday, January 5th, between Obama and Edwards on one side and Hillary on the other was really about the moral power and the values that a President can wield. It might be true that Hillary knows a little more about the particulars of "getting things done," but her approach and her arguments bring us back to the days of the Clinton administration, which actually in a way failed because it did not change the agenda, although there were obviously great things done...the minds of the American people were mostly made up, and there wasn't much being done to change that. Technical knowledge of the legislative process will not change minds. Hopefully.

If the US is ever going to emerge from the downward spiral Reagan set in motion, maybe such as..oh i don't know, the fall of the Roman Empire? it is not going to be with incremental improvements on a bad situation. The US needs a moral leader, one who can exhort, with a calm, reasonable voice, and who can bring people together. A uniter. Not a polarizing figure.

Those are the qualities Obama displayed during the January 5th debate and in his victory speech after winning Iowa. I honestly don't believe his whole mantra is just a blanket statement, or just..empty promises.

Barack Obama in 2008.

Come back to me.

So, being that I have an unhealthy obsession with Miss Knightley, I obviously had to go see Atonement. And upon seeing these, among other nominations for the film(best picture, screenplay, soundtrack), I was VERY pleased:

2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
CATE BLANCHETT – ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE
JULIE CHRISTIE – AWAY FROM HER
JODIE FOSTER – THE BRAVE ONE
ANGELINA JOLIE – A MIGHTY HEART
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY – ATONEMENT

3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
GEORGE CLOONEY – MICHAEL CLAYTON
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS – THERE WILL BE BLOOD
JAMES MCAVOY – ATONEMENT
VIGGO MORTENSEN – EASTERN PROMISES
DENZEL WASHINGTON – AMERICAN GANGSTER

9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
CATE BLANCHETT – I’M NOT THERE
JULIA ROBERTS – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
SAOIRSE RONAN –ATONEMENT
AMY RYAN – GONE BABY GONE
TILDA SWINTON – MICHAEL CLAYTON



Now..when a movie is nominated for SEVEN Golden Globe Awards..it's got to be fucking good.

I seriously love every single role Keira Knightley has even taken-this one included. Her new movie, the Duchess looks really good too. I fucking love the roles she takes. She does so much with them. And I love her for it. Not to mention, I wish I looked like her. More than anything. Alright, bye.

Going to shower, then watch a Keira Knightley movie. I really should do my Pysch homework, considering i got 79 in that class. I have a problem. Procrastination is a drag.
My room is littered with clothes and books and other shit. My queen size bed has dwindled to a twin size one, with all the shit that's on it. Fuck. And here I am! Sitting here typing about it. I told myself I was going to shower an hour ago. This is why nothing gets done in my life. Because I'd rather sit and write about other things, but really, I'm sitting here writing about..exactly what I should be doing. This is useless!

I have so much I would love to write about.
I don't normally have a pen, or a keyboard when the greatest ideas come to me, though. So they form in my head. It's like, every night before I go to sleep, a book is being written. The words form in my mind. Then before I know it, there's a fucking movie playing in my head. And all these thousands of movies that have been formulated due to my over creative and analytical imagination never seem to make it, well, to the outside world.
And I often ask myself why. Then I explain to myself, irritated, well, Vanessa, you don't possibly have time. Additionally, I don't find myself capable of recreating something so complex and great after the fact. That's why I sometimes force myself to either carry a notepad or sketchbook with me at all times. Anyway! It's really a shame, because I'm proud of some of the things I've come up with. These stories, scenarios, peole, places, situaions, images, these other universes, animals, the list goes on.
My computer sucks. It's older than my dog. I'm afraid this post will never been seen by anyone.
But who's going to read it besides Ankit anyway, what the fuck.
Or maybe by some of the shitty pothead girls who dislike me so much as to read into my life. But that's a whole other subject.
It's so late and I want to write something beautiful.
I'm so tired.
And full of doritos.
If that doesn't create a desirable image in your mind I'm not sure what will.
Maybe tommorow or sometime soon I'll write about how much I love some of things that I, well, love. I could start with wolves, move on to Keira Knightley, follow her up with Rome, uh no actually, that would take too long. Not to mention I recently did my ninth re-write of my college essay on that topic and I feel as if writing about it now wouldn't do it justice.
I Love my bed. I can't wait to go in it. I'm not sure why I capitalized love. Maybe all that poetry analyisis has had an affect on me. Maybe I'm turning into Sylvia Path. I really hope not.
Bye!